Financial Stress Prevents Money Talk Among Romantic Couples

A paper recently published in the Journal of Consumer Psychology suggests that it is the anticipated fear of conflict that prevents individuals from addressing the elephant in the room.

“Past literature has shown that when couples work together and talk about money, they spend more responsibly and are generally happier,” says lead author Nirajana Mishra, a postdoctoral research fellow at the Yale School of Management. 

However, for this study, Mishra and her team wanted to take a step back to understand how comfortable people are with discussing finances with a partner, especially when they are financially stressed.

To look for answers, the researchers turned to surveys conducted by the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau and the National Center for Marriage Research. By analyzing survey responses, Mishra and colleagues measured each participant’s financial stress quotient as well as their willingness to talk money with their partner.

The findings revealed a strong correlation between financial stress and unwillingness to communicate about finances with a partner. Financial stress, the study notes, is often characterized by feelings of being overwhelmed with spending, struggling to meet financial obligations, and worrying about money management. “When people feel financially stressed, they often expect conflict and consequently avoid discussions about money with their partner,” Mishra says.

The new findings come at a time when inflation has hiked and polls have found that Americans are feeling increasingly financially stressed. One survey highlighted more than half of the participants considered themselves to be "living paycheck to paycheck.” 

But discussing money need not have to be a warzone between couples. In a series of subsequent experiments, the authors saw that financially stressed individuals can overcome the fears of conflict by believing that there are healthy means to reach a comprise. Mishra points to one of the experiments in their study, in which participants were asked to read a story about a couple with financial differences and opinions. One group was given a version in which the story ended with the couple arriving at a mutually acceptable solution. The other group however was handed a version where the story ended with perpetual conflict between the couple. The group which read the version where the couple had reached a comprise showed greater willingness to discuss finances with their partner. “When people perceive that financial conflicts are solvable, they do become more willing to speak to each other about money,” Mishra says.

The authors believe that the findings could help couples cultivate a positive attitude toward discussing money, despite inherent differences. “Even if one is a spender and the other one is a saver, in a couple, it is possible to reach a compromise,” says Mishra. Unfortunately, most couples typically see their financial problems as perpetual and, as a result, tend to avoid discussing financial issues. “If couples consider their financial issues as solvable and think back to times when they reached compromises, they are more willing to discuss money matters,” she adds.

Further, the study results could also be leveraged by financial planning services and budgeting applications to encourage a non-judgmental attitude among couples. For example, fintech applications can incorporate “solvable language” such as phrases like “sharing expenses” instead of “tracking expenses” which are commonly seen in such applications, the authors note.

As next steps, the authors want to understand how other factors such as time management, and differences in incomes impact couples’ willingness to discuss money.

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